Look, y'all. Drake on Cake is a thing. There's an Instagram account. A piece on Delish. A Buzzfeed article. Essentially people anywhere and everywhere in the world are taking Drake's rap lyrics and putting them on cake, half because there are some good lyrics and half because "Drake" conveniently rhymes with "cake." I mean, I get it - #DrakeonCake is just the sort of purposeful, tidy, culturally-significant hashtag that would go viral. Many times I've been close to putting Drake on my own cake. The one problem is this:  I don't listen to Drake. I don't know Drake. Putting Drake on my cake would be like appropriating someone else's family photos and hanging them above my fireplace. I wish I could viably put Drake lyrics on my cake and get to join the super fun party. However, I don't know that I've ever listened to a single Drake song (rap?), let alone a whole album. Looks like the #DrakeonCake party isn't one I can conceivably attend. No. You know what's more my speed? Laugh if you will. Tell me it's nerdy (it is). You want to know the party I'm starting?



Cakespeare.

On first glance, I'll admit, it seems a little less socially exciting. It doesn't precisely capture the spirit of our times and from a marketing standpoint, Shakespeare was kind of at peak-trend circa 1600. But I'm telling you, the potential of #Cakespeare as a sort of pseudo-Drake movement is immense. First of all, it taps into all the closet-classics fans who, like me, don't know Drake from cake in the first place. Secondly, piping Shakespeare quotations onto cake makes you appear smarter than you probably are. Third, there is literally a Shakespeare quote for every occasion from the momentous (baby shower, bridal shower, bachelor party, birthday party) to the obscure (apologies, proposals, gender reveals). People have this weird perception that Shakespeare is rigid, unflappable, and difficult to understand. I get it, but they're wrong. And I really feel like putting Shakespeare on giant, fluffy slices of cake and throwing a flock of sprinkles on it could help break down that stigma while bringing the classics back into our #DrakeonCake culture. I'm telling you, there is so much promise in this idea.




In that spirit, welcome to today's cake! A cake I've wanted to make for the blog for ages but never had a proper excuse for. Until now. My first ever #Cakespeare offering is this custardy, almost cheesecake-like vanilla sheet cake and its crackling chocolate frosting. I got the recipe from friends of mine who used to make this cake for every occasion for which they hadn't already made their other standard: a white almond cake. I was always charmed and a little confused by this cake's intensely moist interior (no other word suits it) and the delicious chocolate frosting that would set up just enough to where you could tap it lightly with your finger and it wouldn't budge. If you're looking for a cake that packs well for picnics, stop looking because here it is. By virtue of the fact that the frosting sets up so wonderfully, you can cut giant slabs of it and pass them around and nobody will be any worse for the wear. This cake is delicious and, being a sheet-cake, is 100% easy to throw together and cart along to any group gathering that needs a little #Cakespeare. I have to confess something though, and this'll probably be gross but honestly it has happened to like every baker I've ever talked to. Last night when making this cake I grabbed a box of cake flour off the pantry shelf. Being really distracted by a conversation, I didn't realize that I had not just picked up the fresh cake flour I'd purchased a couple weeks ago. I went ahead and measured the flour in. Thankfully right before I turned my Kitchenaid back on, I glanced down to see that there were little tiny BUGS in the flour I'd just measured into my mixer! BUGS. It seems that the second box of cake flour (goodness knows where it came from or why it was still in the pantry!) had been compromised at some point and now housed a bunch of teen tiny gnat-things. Thank goodness I was able to quick scoop out the bad flour before it got cozy with the rest of the batter! Ugh. Weevily flour - how Elizabethan. Welcome to the 16th century, fam.

I have a couple of far-fetched dreams regarding #Cakespeare. #1 is that Buzzfeed would take notice and say something about it because we all know that Buzzfeed is the best website that has every existed in popcorn terms. #2 is that Tom Hiddleston will let me bake him a Coriolanus or Henry V cake and maybe even eat it with him. #3 is that y'all would get on board and Shakespeare cakes would start flooding the internet and join the throngs putting Drake on cake. But anyway, Tom Hiddleston aside, this cake is insect-free, and does not come with the risk of Bubonic Plague. Just in case you were wondering.




1 cup, plus two tablespoons salted butter, softened
6 ounces cream cheese, softened
2 1/2 cups sugar
6 eggs
3/4 teaspoons vanilla
2 1/4 cups cake flour
- frosting -
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup evaporated milk
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup chocolate chips
- decorating - 
writing frosting
sprinkles
chocolate chips

1. Heat oven to 325 degrees and grease a 10 x 15" jellyroll pan. Set aside.
2. In a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat together butter, cream cheese, and sugar. When fluffy, add eggs one at a time, beating well after each egg. Beat in vanilla.
3. Add cake flour and mix well, then pour into the greased pan. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until the cake is set and springs back lightly when touched.
4. Allow to cool thoroughly while making the frosting.
5. For frosting: combine sugar and evaporated milk in a medium saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat. When simmering, cover and cook for three minutes without stirring. Remove from heat and stir in butter and chocolate chips. Beat with a spoon until slightly cooled, then pour over cooled cake and apply sprinkles before frosting sets, leaving room on the surface of the cake to write whatever quote you've chosen!
6. When frosting is completely set, pipe the desired quote onto your cake.