A few days ago I
came across a quote shared by an account I follow on Instagram:
“Strive to be interested, not interesting,” the graphic read.
A subtle
difference, but one that struck me deeply enough that it has played
on in my head ever since. People who try to be interesting are the
people who spend their time tastefully arranging everything from
their Instagram posts to their musical tastes hoping that other
people will give them the grace of their “like.” People who try
to be interesting wear styles that don't suit their personality or
body, buy name-brands they can't possibly afford, and carefully
cultivate their tender feelings in a little greenhouse of public
approval. Interested people, on the other hand, do things for their
own sake. Interested people might, on the surface, do exactly the
same thing as people who try to be interesting but there is a
fundamental difference in their motive: those interesting wannabes do
what they do to get attention and approval. The interested people do
what they do because they enjoying doing it.
Interested people
are largely un-self-conscious because they realize that life outside
their own range of experience has something to teach them. They are
not threatened people, but adventurous people. They explore the world
because of their own curiosity. They try new things not because that
is what popular bloggers do, but because they're curious. An
interested person will create a playlist on Spotify filled with songs
they like because they like them, not because they ought to
like them. They'll go to Iceland not because it's the place cool
people go, but because the tickets are cheap and the landscape
swallows you whole and you can see the Aurora Borealis when you look
up at night. Or they'll stay home in their small town and make
waffles because they like their small town and its train-graffiti and
the same waffle recipe they've had for years. Interested people keep
up with new artists and playwrights not because they're afraid
they'll fall behind pop-culture but because they are truly excited
about experiencing the work of and learning about the fresh
creativity brought to us by minds outside their own. An interested
person doesn't need constant adrenaline because he's going to find
something in everything – in dirt-bike ride, yes, but also in a
Saturday morning trip to the farmers' market.
I want to be an
interested person. I always have wanted that, yet in some moments the easier, "smarter" choice is to try to be interesting and I know I have sometimes chosen that. So much pressure is put on us to appear
interesting. But to be interested? Here's something I've learned: the
most interesting people are those people who are most
interested. There is value in setting aside your desire to be liked
for the liking's sake. There is value in shutting off your phone and
watching a sunset without ever once reaching to take a photo. There
is also value in taking the photo if you want, if that is the way you
best enjoy it. There is value in letting yourself be interested and
spending your time on pure, unfettered, unapproved curiosity in
matters. To help all those who seek to be interested, here's a list
of ways to get started:
#1 – Read a
book (a real book): Read a book you disagree with. Read a book
that was once banned someplace. Read a book recommended by someone
you respect and read a book no one you know has ever heard of. If
you've ever been interested in a subject, even in passing, find a
book about it and start reading. For expanding your concept of the
world, I recommend picking up a non-fiction title on any random
subject you find mildly interesting. One of the best parts of reading
is how one subject leads you to another, ever down a rabbit hole,
until you look up and no longer remember where the trail began. It's
such an intoxicating thing.
#2 – Go on a
road-trip by yourself: Road-trips with friends are one of the
most fun ways to get in good friend-time. But to see a town as a
loner lets you experience it in an entirely new fashion. You're not
distracted by socializing or deep conversations. You notice things
you never noticed before and there's nothing that can quite equal the
thrill of stepping out of the car and knowing you are, for the time,
quite alone in the world. Going someplace doesn't have to mean a solo
trip to Vienna like that taken by one of my friends. It can be
driving two towns over and stopping in a restaurant whose doors
you've never before darkened. It can even be riding the metro one
stop past the farthest you've ever gone, or taking a different hiking
trail in your usual park. Guys, if you want, it can even be taking
your normal hiking trail backward.
#3 – Strike
up a conversation with a stranger: this one freaks me out – the
initial conversational break-through is one thing of which I'm still
terrified. I mean, you're interrupting someone's solitude and that
can seem like a huge Thing Not To Do. Look for someone who isn't
entirely absorbed in their business and say something. The main thing
is to get the conversation going. Maybe it'll peter out. Maybe it
will be a story you'll tell at dinner parties for the rest of your
life.
#4 – Try
something new at least once a week: food, skills, art-forms, or
music. Clothing styles, hair-styles, nail-polish colors, gum-flavors.
You can interpret this anyway you choose. The main thing is to
consistently introduce something that breaks you out of your chosen
mold and helps keep ever before your eyes the idea that there is a
whole world unexplored and that it begins outside your own ken.
#5 – Read
foreign newspapers: one of my good friends swears by reading
foreign newspapers online to supplement her American news feed. And
it's true that while foreign news-service shouldn't be the total sum
of your media exposure, it's a fantastic way to keep abreast of
stories that might not break American radio-static. In addition to
providing you with fresh news, reading foreign papers' takes on our
news is a good way to determine how our national events are being
reported abroad. I've yet to try this tactic, but I'm keeping it in
my back pocket.
#6 – Ask
questions: way too often I don't ask questions where asking a
question would lead me into a whole new zone of knowledge. I might
have a perfectly decent answer for whatever my original conundrum
was, but you miss out on so much when you don't ask follow-up
questions. Ask advice of your friends, even when you (think you) have
it figured out. Ask what someone else thinks of a topic when you've
expressed your opinion. If someone asks a question of you, give an
answer and then ask it back. This way, you'll always learn new
things.
#7 – Don't
fear failure: I know successful people say this all the time but
guess what? That's because it's true. Don't be afraid of failing.
Don't be afraid of trying something and seeing that, yep, you're new
at it. Don't let terror of un-photogenic results keep at bay the part
of you that wants to do something. I want to get better at drawing
portraits. Yes, they look like I put a picture of your face in a
blender and then paper mache'd it back together. But if I don't start
somewhere I will never improve.
#8 – Share
your failures: This is top in my list of being interested. An
interested person doesn't wait for everything to look or be perfect
before they share their work. I like people who have the guts to
tweet a photo of some art project that flopped, or a line they wrote
three years ago and can't stand now. I like people who play an
unfinished song on their ukelele for me, or start singing a ballad
and forget half the words. I like people who talk about how they
forgot to feed their goldfish and it died. I like people who admit
that they burned the bacon this morning or left a lighted candle and
forgot about it. I like them because their openness tells me
something about who they are as a person: they're not a finished,
filtered, sharpened Instagram shot. They're a picnic photo printed
out and hung up even though there was a fingerprint smudge on the
camera lens and sand had blown into the Oreos. They're into the
moments, not what they want you to perceive of the moments.
Interested. Let's
be interested. Interesting takes care of itself.
Such a good post, Rachel. This year has been stretching for me in several of these areas...in the last few weeks, I've done several things on your list...I've road tripped by myself, struck up a conversation with a couple I was sitting by at the symphony I attended by myself, and I recently have been trying to share my failures and vulnerabilities more with those I am close to. The rest of ideas on your list are so good. Be interested not interesting. Such a wonderful motto. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you've been living it up as an interested person, girl! I'm so proud of you!
DeleteThat's a fantastic quote! I think people get way to caught up in getting people's approval that they put up this fake front. I like people who are real.
ReplyDeleteMe too, Skye. Meeeeee too.
DeleteLove this, Rache.
ReplyDelete(And gosh now I SO want to go on a roadtrip by myself! ;) )
Virginia is only eight hours awayyyyyyy. ;)
DeleteSuch applicable ideas, Rachel! Thank you for sharing! "Striking up conversations" is my hardest area ... But when I do, the people always fascinate me with their take on worldview. So many interesting ideas out there!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it, Olivia!
DeleteYES!!! \o/
ReplyDeleteAhem. I agree with this entirely. Try some different foods. Hang out with a group of people who spend half their time talking to each other in Mandarin. Read something written before Christ. Get your brother to explain orbital mechanics.
Be curious. Love other people.
I love your ideas, Suzannah! I don't know that I ever HAVE read anything written pre-Christ...except The Iliad & The Odyssey? But do those pre-date Christ? Don't they?
DeleteYES YES YESSSS! Seriously this is a struggle that I have SO much! Like read a damn book people!
ReplyDeleteThe Adored Life
Haha! Isn't that hilarious, how hard it is to crack open a book and actually READ sometimes?
Delete