People throw that term around like it’s something easy to be. It’s
not. As a substantially-framed woman, I can say it’s not easy and I can feel
annoyed with skinny girls who talk about fat days. Except I can’t, because
body-image problems plague all women. Why? Because it’s a head-game and "fat
girls" aren’t the only ones who play head-games.
Our culture is on an upswing body- image-wise with more and
more people widely accepting the fact that there is beauty to be found in every
body-type. Though Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” doesn’t address the
issue of the popular lie that we’re sexual creatures when we’re really so
magnificently much more, I do appreciate the fact that she literally seconds
with her lyrics what my own mother has always told me. “I got all the right junk in all the right places.” Also, the song’s
just ridiculously catchy. But hearing on the radio that “every inch of you is
perfect from the bottom to the top,” or that plus size model Erica Jean Schenk was given the
award for Courage by Teen’s Choice Awards, or that a young woman has done an
intriguing social study by undressing in public and letting people draw
love-hearts on her arms, legs, stomach, back…these things don’t fix the fact
that most – if not all – of us struggle with fully loving our physical forms. Though
I’ve had problems with self-image, I’ve never struggled with self-loathing.
Actually, an honest answer would be that I
have never loathed myself so much that I wished I could die. It took me
years to accept, not the fact that it was structurally impossible I will ever
be a size two, but the fact that my body as
is, is gorgeous. It’s so, so easy to half-believe I’m beautiful by
thinking, “Yes, I would be gorgeous if I could just change this one thing, or
that one thing.” Or to think I’ve really conquered body-image with this (true)
statement: “My personality is incredibly beautiful.”
But no. I’m saying right now that my body, as is, is gorgeous. So is yours. Right
now, no additions, omissions, or caveats. Okay. So my body’s not perfect
and it could definitely use some upgrades and repairs, but it’s a fascinating
piece of technology. But since when does “perfect” constitute “beautiful?” I’m
pretty darn certain that a medical community wouldn’t look at some new form of
cancer treatment machine and remark that it had got a few scratches on its
stainless-steel surface in transit so, no thanks, keep the stuff.
Guys. My body is GORGEOUS.
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In a field alongside the Transfagarasan near Brasov, Romania |
It consumes and processes food, turns food into energy, and
with that energy powers the most intricate of neural processes. And I beat myself up because when I look at
my reflection sideways in a mirror, I can see that my belly isn’t flat and my
love-handles show. My body has these eyes that not only see images of the world
around me, flip them, and send them to the brain, but also happen to come with
these pieces of skin lined with silky lashes that lower over the delicate
ocular devices to aid me in sleeping and to keep out any particles that
shouldn’t get in. And I complain that
these eyes are too small, or have dark circles under them, or are hidden in my
smile. I have legs that take me places – that have allowed me to stand on top
of European mountains and play soccer with my little girls, to curl up in bed
at night and walk the streets of exciting cities. I have arms that seriously
aid me in pursuing my work as a nanny, lifting hefty, growing children on and
off counters, folding laundry, braiding hair, teaching letters, scrubbing
floors. And hands! Mine are actually connected to my brain and obey that
massive technological mystery by transferring feathery imagination into
tangible image for paintings, illustrations, doodles, or novel-writing. My
fingers can type and tickle and pick berries and roll croissants. I can paint.
I can crack my knuckles. And my body has all the normal female processes and
prepares itself every single month to
host a baby and then realizes we’re not ready for that just now and cleans
house to start afresh next month, and does an okay job of keeping all these
various hormones in line (all right, so mine could use some help here), and is
amazingly WOMANLY, just doing its woman –thing which is pretty awesome. And you know how I thank that body? By
looking at my reflection in the mirror and critiquing my ample hips and the
fact that I wasn’t born an hour-glass shape and that my lips aren’t fuller and
that my butt doesn’t look like hers and
that my arms are never toned and that I have the Heffington Nose. And let’s not
even get started on my soul, which the prettiest, most mysterious, most
precious part of me. The part that will go on to live forever. Forever, mind you. The real one. Not
the “BFF” one.
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on top of that mountain, which I climbed barefoot |
I’m grateful today that I’m able to say with honesty, I’m
beautiful. I think my body’s
beautiful. Most days. And the days I’m not feeling the love? I look the
Ugly-Lies straight on and tell them, in the words of a dear woman I recently
met, “Go back to the PIT A’ HELL.” Because here’s another truth: we will always
battle self-image because we have an enemy that runs a feed-lot of lies for
women that we just run to voluntarily. But once we’ve embraced the truth about
ourselves, we have the ability to shut the lies down and move on with the real
knowledge that our bodies are truly beautiful. I want to go further than addressing the lies
and give you ways to apply this pep-talk to your real life. Because step away
from the computer screen and you’ll have choices to make: are you going to hand
yourself over to a falsehood or live in the truth? The truth is, you are beautiful.
Body-Love 101:
Take Care With Your
Appearance: On a “fat day” I realize you don’t feel like any amount of
makeup will cover the fact that you’re just as ugly as they come. But you know
what? Put your big-girl pants on. Wear the high-heels or the leather boots or
the glitzy sandals. Apply lipstick liberally. Wear more jewelry than is
strictly necessary. Wear what makes you
feel like the best version of yourself. This tip doesn’t only apply to days
when you’re struggling to feel beautiful. This is my number one beauty rule.
Adventure is always out there. Destiny is always right around the corner.
Believe me: you don’t want to look shabby for destiny. Our attire should not be
a cover-up, but an adornment. Personal style is you telling the world what you
want the world to know before you’ve said even a word. Tell ‘em straight or
they’ll try to tell you and you don’t want their opinion.
Take Care With Your
Body: Get up and move around. Take a walk. Have a dance-party. Find some
sort of exercise, whether it’s swimming, biking, jogging, walking, zumba, or
dance and make time for it. I like to
get my “workouts” in at the front of my day, and then they’re finished, I feel
better, and it’s off my mind for the rest of the day. Eat well. Go to fresh
fruits and vegetables before anything else. Make sure you’ve had protein. Drink
enough water. When I’m truly taking the best care of my body, I cut out wheat
and all processed sugars, not as a diet but as a gift to my body. Diets don’t
work for long. A life-style of healthy
food and the occasional treat does. Feels amazing. Go to sleep at a reasonable
hour and wake up at an accountable time each morning. Save sleeping-in for days
off or weekends. And when you’re pursuing the best life for your body, it’ll
find its healthy weight which, I might mention, will not be the same as every
other woman’s healthy weight.
Take Care With Other
People: Pay a compliment to a woman you’ve never met. Random compliments
are one of the sweetest surprises and confidence-boosters I can think of. Smile
at strangers, hold open the door for someone, buy a latte for a friend and
deliver it to their desk at work as a surprise. Text a friend you haven’t
spoken with in a while, write a thank-you note. Hang out with your family. Keep
critical comments to a low and instead look for the praiseworthy in those
around you. There is always more to be found than the weary soul realizes.
Sending surprise packages and letters is my particular brand of getting outside
myself – or one of them, rather. As a general rule, you can never go wrong by
loving someone in a way in which you love to be ministered to. And above all, be sincere.
Take Care With Your
Mind: Allow for time to read a new book or work on a drawing, to cook with
a new recipe or learn a new song on your ukulele (I don’t know…). Allow for
time to just be, and appreciate the fact that that amazing body of yours is
doing its stuff in addition to going double-time to keep up with your life.
Stress has a large impact on how we view ourselves and redirecting the mind
from the day’s troubles to something beautiful or intellectually challenging is
a great way to snap out of a funk.
Take Care With Your
Heart: Do a check-up now and then and make sure you’re following Truth
instead of Deception. Spend time in the scriptures and in prayer, feeding your
soul. Ask God to show you His standard of beauty and for ways to bring out the
beauty in others. Get out of harmful relationships and take personal
responsibility for your wrongdoings and yours only. Let go of grudges and learn
to forgive. You can’t let other people be your affirmation, so make sure you’re
confident in your identity (P.S. True and full identity can only be found in
Christ.) and from that confidence, help others find who they were created to
be.
Take Care With Your
Words: I can’t even remember where I first heard the term, “You aren’t fat.
You have fat,” but it has become a
favorite saying of mine. Be careful what names you call yourself, even
mentally. Make sure the words you apply are true words, kind words. You should
never call yourself what you would not call another woman. Would you walk up to
a girl in line at TJ Maxx and say, “Hey, Fat Girl, what’s up? Why aren’t you
smaller?” No? Then how dare you say it to yourself? Use words in relation to
yourself and others that contain the nearest thing to the whole truth. Those
are the words that really apply. Also, purposely take a look at yourself in the
mirror when you are dressing in the morning. We’ve got to get over the mindset
that says, “Let me hide from my reflection while I wriggle into these jeans.”
So you’ve got cellulite, or maybe you’re super skinny and bony and your
kneecaps stick out. As do many other people. So what? I had to get over the
whole “I don’t want to see myself without clothes on” thing when I got a new
dresser with a huge mirror and couldn’t avoid the sight. And guess what? I’m used
to myself now, and I’m actually pretty gorgeous, in whatever state of attire
I’m viewing.
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I’ve tried to be thoroughly honest in this post and I hope
that someone finds it informative, helpful, or inspiring. I feel strongly that
body image is something most women struggle with on some level at some point in
life…and knowing that you’re not the only one and that there is truth to
counter your lie…that’s worth a lot. It was worth a lot to me. Thank you so
much for reading this far and sticking with me as I bash into your brains the
complexity of who you are as an individual, unique creation with absolutely
boundless potential. And you know what I hope more than all this? I hope that
you are able to look at yourself in the next mirror you see and ask your
reflection with a smile (maybe the first smile you’ve given her in a very long
time):
“Hey. What’s up, Beautiful?”